flashbacks

I’ve been having a weird sense of time passing lately. Mostly with my oldest. I look at her and her almost-fifteen self and I can’t help but think of the baby that I snuggled on a big blanket so she could catch some of the afternoon sunshine that poured through back windows. Or the toddler that used to “read” and pull every book off the shelf leaving a mountain of books on the floor when she wandered away to do something else. Or the preschooler that would sing and sing to me – often while spinning like a madwoman on her sit & spin – while I cooked dinner.

It’s breathtaking & unsettling all at the same time. I see these moments as flashes when I watch her talk and laugh with other kids on her swim team or when she is walking out of school after practice or just when she walks in the room.

I’m not having these moments with the other two. I don’t know if it’s the fact that my oldest is about to have a birthday. Or maybe it’s because she’s entered a time of life that I remember so very clearly. Or maybe it’s that she is my first baby and I’m subconsciously realizing that my days with her around all the time are fleeting.

I have noticed this year – and this is with all three kids – that we are entering another phase of life as a family. These shifts happen from time to time. When you go from diapers to no diapers. When you move into having all three kids in school full time. I can’t quite put a finger on what the shift is right now… but it’s happening… they are getting older, funnier, smarter, more engaging. They need me less… and sometimes more.

I feel like I’m parenting in two worlds some days.

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3 thoughts on “flashbacks

  1. I know these feelings well. And with my older two – it is a feeling of them not really needing you…until suddenly they do. It is a different needing. It is a bittersweet mix of their independence and growing up and them still being your kid.

  2. I remember this shift more at seventh grade. The first child entering that more responsible time. Maybe we were really to busy at the high school shift. I think maybe it really was just a continuation from middle to high school, with not a great deal of change initially. Memories!

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