Over the past 10 days I’ve been gradually weaning myself out of that obnoxious walking boot. I started a new physical therapy plan last week and had my first PT workout today. I can ride a bike (without high resistance or up hills but since it’s too cold to ride outside that’s not a concern). AND I can go out for walks again! Not quite as fast as my normal workout walking pace but still… I can walk OUTSIDE for a workout.
Can you see my smile in these words?
I walked today for 1.5 miles at the fairgrounds before my PT appointment. It’s a little hilly there and the PT very kindly suggested I back off and start on nice flat surfaces like the bike trail. I mentioned that I’d like to go hiking on the dunes this weekend. He again very kindly said that was a recipe for hurting myself and suggested a nearby park that has a nice trail around a small lake. I like this guy already – he’s not super negative about his restrictions. Instead of just telling me no, he asked me questions about where I like to hike and why and then kindly redirected me to something more appropriate. I’m like a 3 year old always asking to do something that’s beyond my capabilities and he’s like the really nice parent who instead of saying no, just steers me in a different direction.
I’ll keep up the optimism of a three year old for now. It’s been a while since I had reason to be optimistic.
Both of my girls are taking Psychology and as part of a unit on human development, their teacher is having them carry around an egg for a week. That egg (hard-boiled) is supposed to represent their child. It is to be with them at all times. If they have work or practice it is supposed to be babysat. They carry it all around school and the teacher marks off points if the egg is cracked or not with them.
I understand the goal of this lesson but let me tell you something… it is one stinky project. By the end of the day those hard boiled eggs STINK. That means that the girls are going through an egg a day. Eggs aren’t exactly expensive but it’s killing me how wasteful this project is. That’s perfectly good food and it’s just being tossed in the trash every single day. Plus they are carrying it around in a tupperware… I never put my baby in a tupperware I can promise you that.
So the egg “ages” each day and in the past day two funny things happened that have made me laugh. Laughing is good so I’ll share these stories.
Yesterday I picked up my daughter after jazz band and asked about her day. She grouchily tossed the container holding her egg into the car and said
- “I hate this stupid egg. Seriously hate it!”
- My response: “That’s not a very nice way to talk about your precious baby.”
- E: “It’s not a baby any more; today it’s in middle school.”
- Me: “Oh… no wonder you don’t like it. I didn’t like you all the time when you were in middle school either.”
This morning J was asking E about this egg project, what she is going to do with the egg over the weekend etc. He asked how old the egg is and she replied that today it’s 18. His idea for a weekend adventure: sky diving!
- J: “I’ve always wanted to do an egg drop! Let’s build a container and try it off a tall ladder!”
- E: “I can’t let my child go sky diving!”
- J: “That thing is 18, it can do whatever it wants now.”
I’m not sure these are the lessons they are supposed to be gaining from this stinky, wasteful experiment. But it is proving to be very amusing. I’m also now curious as to what kind of uncle J is going to be someday….
Instead of concentrating on what I don’t have (you know that stress relief and physically beneficial hard workout), I need to shift my attitude to being grateful. Grateful for…
Good health: While I can’t do a lot of exercise, I’m healthy and that’s a big deal.
A plethora of work: When I started my own business 16+ years ago the work was slow in coming. I now have more than I know what to do with some days.
A loving family: Conversations with my oldest on college visits. Taking my middlest out on her first real drives after she got her permit. Laughing over silliness with my youngest. Wine & conversation with my husband while I cook dinner.
But those are big picture things. Good things to be sure, but let’s look harder. What am I grateful for TODAY?
Bright sunshine (it’s been a gloomy winter)
A great book to read
Birthday money that I’m savoring and spending on treats as I find them. This week that meant a new pair of LuLaRoe leggings and the piano sheet music for La La Land.
A new book of Catholic devotions… Something I’ve never done before but have made a nightly habit since January 1 and I think it’s really making a positive impact.
Happy Friday Internet. Here’s hoping for more positive than negative. More love than hate. Greater empathy and a good glass of wine.
This is not a feeling I’m used to. I’m pretty good at shaking myself out of funks. I pride myself on being able to look at the big picture. I know that today is temporary and there is so much more ahead of me.
But this week has been hard. So. Hard.
I go to the Y 5-6 times a week. Granted, I can only do two things at the Y right now: swim without kicking or row. Oh! And I can do limited weights – so three things. I can do three things for my workout right now. I’m pretty damn determined to keep up with those three things. Working out is an important part of my health – both physical and mental. I have worked out 5-6 times a week for as long as I can remember save breaks for pregnancies… and it’s been 13 years since I was pregnant.
It’s discouraging to know that I can only do two types of workouts right now (sorry, three). I’m giving them my all mind you. But it’s still discouraging. These workouts don’t burn a lot of calories. Take into account the mandated rest periods I’ve had at different points in this Achilles recovery process and I’m a full 20 pounds heavier than I was at this time last year. In fact, I’m pretty sure I’m at my heaviest weight ever. And while I’m not a person that pays much attention to the number on the scale. My clothes don’t fit well and I feel gross.
To recap: I don’t have the normal stress relief of working out so I’m stressed. I don’t have the normal calorie burning benefits of working out so I’m fat. I don’t have the normal endorphins from working out so I’m depressed.
Hey Internet… I’m having a hard time being positive.
I saw a friend at the Y today and she was all “I feel so bad for you.” and “I don’t know how you do it. It’s so impressive that you keep coming in even when you can’t get in a strong workout.” and “It’s been such a long recovery! I’m so sorry.” And I know she means well but you guys… I feel bad for me too. And part of me is ready to just throw in the towel, eat some extra Reese Peanut Butter hearts and call it a day (or year at this point).
I won’t. But damn do I feel lousy. All the way around lousy. And there’s really no end in sight. I could run through the pain but I know that’s a stupid solution. So I’ll sit here… fat and stressed. And I’ll strap on my damn walking boot and I’ll try again tomorrow. But I just needed to tell someone… this really sucks.
I like social media. A lot. Social media makes me laugh, helps me see what faraway friends and family are up to, and gives me glimpses of people and places in which I’m interested. Social media is fun. Heck, I’ve even made real live, in-person friends from social media.
For the first time ever, I’m beginning to feel like I need to shut down or stop using some accounts… well really just my Facebook account. See I just shared a video on Facebook (literally, 30 seconds ago). The video made me laugh so I shared it. I don’t share things often on my page. I post pictures of our adventures or my kids fairly often but rarely do I share a video or link to an article. As soon as I shared this one, it made me stop and feel like I shouldn’t have shared it. The video is about President Trump and it’s funny and pretty clever but some people are going to see it as some huge political statement. And that’s no fun at all.
See above: “Social media is fun.”
At least it’s supposed to be. I’m okay with it also being a place for people to take a stand or “resist” (which is clearly in the running for the word of the year and we’re only 26 days into 2017). But for me, it’s just fun. I have friends and family from all different walks of life and politics. I like them all – even when I disagree with them. But in today’s world, too many people can’t disagree politely. They get angry. They stop seeing a person and only see them as their opinion on one issue. And frankly, they lose their sense of humor.
So now I’m questioning myself and what other people might think of me because I posted a silly video from the Netherlands that made me laugh when I took a break from writing. My social media is becoming too controversial and too judgmental… and I’m afraid it’s making the world around me too judgmental. That’s not very much fun at all.
P.S. Here’s the video. I hope it makes you laugh.